Love > Fear
About 10 years ago now I personally went through one of the most fearful times in my life with one of my children. In the middle of the night as she lay next to me she let out a scream and I knew in my mommy brain it was her last breath. It was an extremely long exhale that made me inhale right before a very loud scream came out of my mouth. As her dad came rushing in the room to grab her and carry her outside, I called 911 and in an instant our lives went from normal parents that worried about fevers and coughs to parents that hit their knees and prayed for survival of their 1st child.
She did survive and in fact thrived and is an amazing 10 year old now but for the following 2 years we went through many many many nights of seizures, sleeplessness, neurologists, doctors, anxiety, tests, exams and most of all fear. We lived everyday so scared of the outcome. Wondering what the evening would bring, what would happen when night came and what if we fell asleep to hard and what if she was with someone else when something happened and what about the sick people that she came in contact with and what if,what if, what if.
After extreme exhaustion and fear had taken its toll on us we were nothing more than a shell that held functioning organs. There were prayers being prayed that came straight from the heart but no faith was to be found only a scarred tremble that remained that uttered words to God about things similar to “please dont take her tonight”. One night as we were preparing her medication, which is a story all on its own, we all of the sudden both spoke words of fearlessness to each other. No question, God was in the kitchen with us that night as we made the choice to no longer live our lives in fear. We would no longer make decisions out of fear and we would start to live again like we had faith in the God that we talked about.
This was not an easy step. In fact is was a lot more like a long long marathon that had hurdles every 5 feet. I couldnt get passed one fear before another one came flying at me. There is a comfort in fear and once you grab on and start to take hold of it and let it run your life you begin to live in it and start thinking life wont go on if I dont have some kind of anxiety throughout my day. Its a life source, an adrenaline rush that makes you feel alive when nothing else does.
So for us to decide that we were taking a step back meant that for years we would struggle to let things go and let God be God and we would not react out of fear any longer.
As we began this journey and as we continue through it, it has been amazing to see the changes that have taken place. The amount of love that has been dished out over the years inside of our family and community is nothing to shake a stick at.
We didnt know the choice we made back then would have the effect that it has but it has traveled far beyond our parenting style. It goes beyond our family and friends.It has taken hold of every choice that we make and every step that we take. We have truly replaced fear with love. When you do that and you choose that path it creates bridges and tears down borders and barriers. There is nothing that could make us go back, there is no retreating to safety.
In the light of recent events in our city it reminds me of that place, the marker in my life where we made that choice. The place where its so easy to choose fear and to retreat back to a safer place but it also reminds me of the amount of love that we have to share and the reasons why we choose this place to raise our family. There is no place like Austin Tx. The amount of diversity and expression and compassion and fearlessness of this city is exactly where I want to be. The fear of death can’t take that away, in fact its even more reason to cross those barriers and love someone well today. Someone who doesnt look like you or act like you or share your opinions on life or politics or religion.
LOVE is GREATER than FEAR!
Reach out and love on someone today in fact, do it everyday. Make it your lifestyle, your motto, your routine.
This whole thing reminds me to be braver and bolder than I was yesterday. To raise children that dont know how to do life any other way than out of love.
The next generation is watching, if we fail at everything else but we love well we will have achieved more than we will ever understand.
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